1. I love the idea of something called the reverse obituary. Try this: Write down what you want your obituary to say, then figure out how to live up to it. It’s the cleanest, simplest way to plot out what you want in life and what truly matters. Everyone’s self-written obituary will be different. But I suspect most people would want theirs to say: You were loved. You were respected. You were admired. You were helpful. You were a good parent, a good spouse, a caring friend. You were an asset to your community. You made a contribution to your industry. You were wise, funny, and smart. Now realize what’s not in there. Almost no one in this exercise would think about their obituary mentioning how much horsepower their car has, how many square feet their home is, or how much they spent on clothes. Your salary would not be mentioned, nor how many carats are in your wedding ring, nor that you redid your kitchen with imported Italian marble.
2. Warren Buffett—one of the richest men in history, who could literally buy anything he wanted—once said, “When you get to my age, you’ll really measure your success in life by how many of the people you want to have love you actually do love you.” He went on: “That’s the ultimate test of how you have lived your life. The trouble with love is that you can’t buy it. You can buy sex. You can buy testimonial dinners. You can buy pamphlets that say how wonderful you are. But the only way to get love is to be lovable. It’s very irritating if you have a lot of money. You’d like to think you could write a check: I’ll buy a million dollars’ worth of love. But it doesn’t work that way
3. Maybe You Already Have Enough One of the most powerful money tales is the parable of the Mexican fisherman. An American businessman visits Mexico and meets a local fisherman. The American is shocked to learn the fisherman only works a few hours a day. “What do you do with the rest of your time?” the American asks. “I sleep late, hang out with my family, read, take naps, and play guitar with my friends,” the fisherman says. “You’re doing this all wrong. I have an idea,” says the American. “You should work all day. Borrow money and buy another boat. Hire more fishermen to work for you. You could make so much money you’ll be retired in ten years.” “What would I do in retirement?” the fisherman asks. “You could sleep late, hang out with your family, read, take naps, and play guitar with your friends,” says the American.
4. The happiest people I know are the most content. Not necessarily the richest, the healthiest, the most beautiful, or the most successful. Just whoever gets to a point of saying, “I’m good, I’m satisfied with what I have and who I am.” That’s nirvana. That’s who takes the happiness crown.
5. All happiness in life is just the gap between expectations and circumstances. The person who has everything but wants even more feels poorer than the person who has little but wants nothing else. How could it be any different?
6. There’s a Stoic saying: “Not needing wealth is more valuable than wealth itself.” So much of the art of spending money, and being happier with your money, is taking that wisdom to heart.
7. The best measure of wealth is what you have minus what you want.
8. A related point is that the core ingredients that truly make people happy—friends, family, health, meaning, a clear mind—cannot be purchased, only earned.
9. Marc Randolph, cofounder of Netflix, once wrote this beautiful note: I resolved a long time ago to not be one of those entrepreneurs on their 7th startup and their 7th wife. In fact, the thing I’m most proud of in my life is not the companies I started, it’s the fact that I was able to start them while staying married to the same woman; having my kids grow up knowing me and (best as I can tell) liking me, and being able to spend time pursuing the other passions in my life.
10. A good life is everything you need and some of what you want. If you have everything you want, you appreciate none of what you have.
11. An imperfect model I use in my own life is thinking like this: If my family and I were stranded on an island with no one else around to notice us, and we could have any material goods we desired, what would we own?
12. Good advice is never as simple as saying “Live for today” or “Save for the future.” The only good advice is “Minimize future regret.”
13. Author Nick Maggiulli says: “Taking too little risk is like smoking cigarettes, taking too much risk is like doing heroin. Both will harm you, the only difference is how quickly.”
14. Money you haven’t spent buys something intangible but valuable: freedom, independence, and being able to spend time in your own way.
15. Wealth without independence is a unique form of poverty.
16. I love the concept of mental liquidity. It’s the ability to quickly abandon previous beliefs and strategies when the world changes, you change, or when you come across new information.
17. Author Ramit Sethi has advice that I love: You should spend extravagantly on the things you love as long as you mercilessly cut the things you don’t.
18. What Money Can’t Buy I once heard a story from a priest that I’ll never forget. This priest spent decades delivering last rites in hospitals. It’s the kind of experience that puts you in a unique position: You become familiar with how people say goodbye to loved ones. When a parent is dying, their children often go to the priest with a sense of despair. How do I say goodbye to a parent who was so instrumental in my life? How can I possibly tell them how much they meant to me? The priest’s advice to the kids is to go into the room, one by one, and thank the dying parent for the one thing they’re most grateful for. “In families that I know have had a lot of problems—strained relationships—the child will often thank the parent for something that cost money,” he said. “Thank you for putting me through college. Thank you for putting food on the table. Thank you for buying me a car.” “In the best families, the ones I know have solid relationships,” he said, “the kids say the same thing every time.” “Thank you for believing in me.”
19. JOHN D. ROCKEFELLER—THEN the richest man in the world—once walked into the Waldorf Astoria hotel in New York City. He needed a room while his home was being remodeled. He asked the hotel agent for the cheapest room available. The agent said, “Mr. Rockefeller, surely we can get you something better. When your son stays here he takes the Presidential Suite.” Rockefeller responds, “Yes, but my son has something I’ve never had: a rich father.”
20. When they’re older, I want to use my money to be a last-resort safety net for my kids, but never as a fuel. So much of success in life is learning how to fail without failing so hard you can’t recover. I want to prevent collapse. But I never want to use money as a crutch for my kids to avoid learning—on their own—the values of hard work, dignity, and managing failure.